All Men Are Bastards

I know I know, it's a generalisation and sure there are nice ones out there, but for today (or rather last night), I'm of the opinion that men are bastards.

Bastard No 1: The Ex Boyfriend

I was supposed to go to a mutual friend's birthday do last Friday - and of course the ex was invited too. I was all prepared to go and suddenly, I got a call from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying I had a choice to not come as the Ex had apparently brought a date. And not only that, I knew this person. She had recently started working part time for the ex's company (as do I), and we had chatted about common interests and I had even opened up to her about the break up and all.

Now I know why she was acting so strangely the week before when we were doing an exhibition together. I also know why he was there, helping out more than usual at the exhibition. I feel like such a fool.

He's not allowed to start seeing someone before me! I know that sounds silly, but that's how I feel. Now I also have to wonder if he had broken up with me so that he could see this other person without any guilt. And if he had already been seeing her or was interested in her before we even broke up.

Whatever it is, he's still a bastard for making me doubt myself, the relationship, and most of all my judgement about people (not the best in most cases, I'm can be a little too trusting and naive at times).

I've tried to deal with it in the past week by calling friends, going out, even to the point of getting too drunk and getting naked with a friend (no, nothing happened, thank god!). The sad thing is that somewhere, somehow, I still love him. Despite all the logic, rationale and facts.

What can I do? What I have done I suppose. Present a cheerful face to the world, present a strong front, pretend I'm happier than ever.

We're supposed to have a company first year anniversary dinner for all the part timers next Thursday. I confided to my other friend who lives in Hong Kong and she says that I should go to the dinner, and act as if nothing had happened between me and him and to act like I'm really happy being single. Based on this advice, I had consented to going. If I have to sit through any displays of affection I will probably cry. I'm going to regret going, but what the hell. I have one week to prepare. I'll be a contender for next year's Oscars by the end of the night.

Bastard No 2: The Father

Yes. I'm bitching about my dad online because I have no where else to bitch. He's been a bastard to my mom, cheating on her for years and then finally deciding that he's met his soul mate and left us all for her.

That's all fine and good, if he's happy and all. But the fact is that he's making the rest of us very unhappy. To get my mom to agree to a separation, he promised a lot of things. Namely that he would whittle down the debt that he had incurred in the matrimonial account, and to rebuild the house (because we have many problems such as leaking roofs, termites, bad electrical wiring). It's been 2 years since the separation and none of that has happened. Worse, he's dipped further into the account.

I call him up as my mom's upset at him for not spending time on the house plans, and ask him to spend time with us and see it from her point of view. He then proceeds to yell at me, telling me his "Woe Is Me" story, about how hard he has to slog and how we are taking every penny from him.

I was this close to telling him to stick it.

I hung up on him cos I couldn't deal with it (I had to go to work). I'd heard the story a million times before and I didn't need a bloody repeat. Plus if I had said anything, it would have been pretty ugly. And whatever it is, I think one of us needs to be a 'good cop' in the routine. After all, he's my dad, and he needs to have some pride. But I've had it up to here with his nonsense. I've run out of sympathy for him and his so called plight.

Ultimately, it was his choice. He chose to cheat, he chose to incur debts to give gifts to his mistresses and girlfriends, while his wife tried to save and not spend so much. His choice to go off with someone else, to work for a different company, to try for different challenges. His choice to promise things so that he would get a separation. So why are we paying for his mistakes?

Of course, the situation could be worse. But when I look at my friend's parents and see some semblance of normality, and when I see how their fathers are still there for them, I wish it were the same with mine. Instead, it's more like my brother and I being the adults in this 4 person tragi-comedy and my parents the little kids tussling.