Job Search is Hard

In the pursuit of said Plan B, I have discovered that my job search skills are fairly rusty.

I had flubbed an interview with a prospective employer, because I forgot all about my targetted interview skills / questions. Although I may have subconsciously flubbed it because I didn't want the job. Sounded too much like something that I would actually have to work at. Remembering that I left all the consulting work behind me, I'm planning on a fairly dossy job, one where I can leave work at 5:30pm every day.

Of course, that means that I will have to be picky... but can I really? One of my friends has said that I've been 'out of the market' and that employers could use that to bargain me down, and use that as a reason to not hire me. But I'm not sure that's a valid argument. I've technically (according to my CV) just taken a 4-6 month sabbatical and therefore, should be fine in terms of job prospects.

Spoke to another recruitment firm and they seemed positive but didn't have anything for me as yet. They had one 3 month contract position with a bank, but the job title and the job scope sounds far too administrative. If I wanted to pursue the career thing, it's not going to get me far.

I've also applied to other companies directly, but I have yet to hear from them. I doubt that they would be able to pay me well, but we'll see. I am truly unwilling to take a job with less than $5,000 monthly pay. In the end, if I have to suck it in and take it, I will take *any* job that pays at least that, and sod the job title.

The plan is to start work in Jan 2006. If that's not possible, then I would want to take 1 month off in Feb 2006 to travel around Laos & Vietnam, ending up playing the Bangkok Hat at the end of Feb, then start work in Mar 2006. Of course, I can always go before I leave for the UK / Canada. But the two interim plans are the ideal situations really.

Then I'm thinking, if the plan is just to go away, why not just sod Canada 2007 for now, take the contract job and then save up just enough to go to UK? If I go to the UK, it won't be to take on a 'career' job anyway, so why bother? I guess that's something to think about if I don't get a job by Jan 2006. I know there will be lots of attrition come next Jan / Mar next year cos lots of people I know are dying to get out of their jobs. If I sit and wait, there may be a good chance of getting something lucrative.

We'll see. Now to target all other job search agencies. That's my aim for the week!

Dating Advice: Dealing with The Bore

One of the perils of dating is going out with The Bore.

Met this guy at an exhibition and agreed to go out for dinner with him on Friday. First of all, I must state that I wasn't the least attracted to him, but I thought it would be nice meet new people and make new friends. Sadly, that was not enough to save the night. He rattled on about the most inane things and I must deserve a Golden Globe cos he wasn't aware of the glazed look in my eyes.

When he asked if I was seeing anyone, I invented a boyfriend on the spot to put him off. Thankfully, I had made other plans with my friends and used that as an excuse to ditch him at the end of dinner.

It's bad enough that I have to resort to such tactics... Or that I would accept a date with a bore. But sadly, you can't tell if someone is going to be a bore till you go out with them. My advice (and I do follow it closely!) is to have an escape plan built into a date. Get your friends to call you after say 3 hours into the date. If all's going well, you don't have to ditch him/her. If not, you can use that call as an excuse to leave.

This saves you from having to endure any more drivel and of course, preserves his dignity at the same time. (I don't think I'm callous enough to tell him he's a bore straight to his face). He/she should get the hint after you've rejected subsequent attempts to go out on dates with you.

Flu Induced Misery

I have succumbed to the flu bug. Last night I was singing and in the final set was barely croaking in tune to the songs. It felt as if someone was scraping my vocal chords with a dozen sharp knives. Thankfully my pianist was such a sweetie, he saved me by playing long solos and a few instrumentals.

I'm off the hook for the rest of the week - unfortunately I get lots of pay docked for not singing. But what can ya do? Hopefully, my voice has enough time to rest. I've been medicating on NyQuil and DayQuil (hooray for strong drugs!) - that seems to help quell the symptoms but I just want to stay in bed all day. :(

Other miseries to share include having to see the ex at an exhibition. I don't know why, I thought I was completely over it but that just brought on a sudden bout of depression. I let myself have a good cry (get it over and done with) and wrote more soppy lyrics. You will hear it when I put music to words.

I don't think I would be upset if it weren't for the flu bug. There - blame it on that silly virus. It's gotta be good for something after all.

As a sucker for punishment, I am going out for alcoholic drinks with my 'big brother'. I need a stiff one. (By that I mean a stiff drink, you know who you are!!!)

Fiona Apple

Fiona Apple has done it again - another brilliant album (Extraordinary Machine) with excellent lyrics. This new album apparently has been produced twice over. The version in stores is the one produced by Mike Elizondo. But prior to the store release, some one had leaked a pre-mastered copy, that was supposedly produced by Jon Brion (you can search for downloads). Whichever version you have heard or preferred, the beautiful words of Fiona's heartbreak and angst just strikes a chord in me. (She had written this album after her recent breakup). And so, here's the lyrics from one of my favourite songs from this new album. Pretty much sums up my own feelings too.

Oh Well

What you did to me made me see myself something different
And though I try to talk sense to myself but I just won’t listen
Won’t you go away, turn yourself in
You’re no good at confession
Before the image that you burned me in
Tries to teach you a lesson

What you did to me made me see myself something awful
A voice once stentorian is now again meek and muffled
It took me such a long time to get back up
The first time you did it
I spent all I had to get it back and now it seems
I’ve been out-bidded

My peace and quiet was stolen from me
When I was looking with calm affection
You were searching out my imperfections
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn’t believe in the stuff

You came upon me like a hypnic jerk
When I was just about settled
And when it counts you recoil with a cryptic word
And leave a love belittled

What a cold and common old way to go
I was feeding on the need for you to know me
Devastated at the rate you fell below me
What wasted unconditional love
On somebody
Who doesn’t believe in the stuff
Oh well

My other favourites are Tymps (the sick in the head song) and Parting Gift. Go check it out.

Mixed Feelings About Plan B

I could be playing World of Warcraft (WoW) or reading my stock of novels, but I feel in an introspective mood today and have this need to pen some of my thoughts.

Singing

I got a call from a fairly well known local singer today, she said she would come down to listen to me, give a little support and all. Of course through all the musings of Plan B, I'm wondering whether I'm doing the right thing by ditching the singing thing so early in the game. The past month has been good training for me. I've been forced to learn new songs, cos I'm sick of singing the same thing all the time. And I'm mortified every time someone asks me for a request and I don't know it (or rather, I haven't memorised the words!).

But I've recognised that I enjoy attention but I don't quite know how to generate that stage presence. Maybe it's just the place that I'm singing in - it doesn't quite inspire me to want to bother sometimes. And sometimes, it's a pain playing with just the piano accompaniment. It gets stale and boring and the pianist is rather lazy too - he's just doing it as a job, and I don't feel the love of music from him. I think I've been spoiled, cos up to now, I've played with pretty talented and dedicated musicians!

Am I throwing in the towel too soon? After all this is the first full time gig I got. I didn't expect it to be a bed of roses and I know I have to pay my dues so to speak. But is this really the best way to go? Am I good enough or will I always be second rate or relegated to be anonymous and sing at hotel lounges where no one really listens? Even if I made it to a recording, would it be a back shelf type CD? My family seems to think I should only do this for 1-2 years and in that sentiment, it's almost as if they expect me to not make it. My friends are nothing but supportive but I'm not sure if that's their honest opinion or just them being friends and giving the necessary support. I need an honest (industry) opinion about my options here and the feasibility of going on.

Moving Away

I'm excited about the thought of starting fresh. New everything, real independence and all. In a sense, it is a form of escapism. Forget the complications of family, ex-es, and whatever other shit I feel I need to leave behind. Naturally, the question comes about: Am I really doing the right thing?

Reasons for moving

• I feel stifled here and want to be in a place where there are more possibilities
• Feel the need to be independent and step out of my comfort zone. Often feel that with a network of family and friends, it's so easy to take it easy and not strive so hard.
• Feel the need to get away from old hurts and painful associations

Reasons for staying

• I feel bad about leaving my mom here (but she has my brother to keep her company for now)
• There may be good opportunities in the Arts / Music scene in Singapore, especially with the Integrated Resorts (Casinos) coming. If I leave, I may miss out on being in the forefront of that, and/or miss out on building important networks and connections. Saying that, it will be a while before the IRs will be complete (at least 2 years). So this still remains to be seen. Networks can be quickly built again, the music industry here is pretty small.
• I have a good network and understanding of things here - e.g. if I injure myself, I know where to go to get it fixed. If I need to get ABC, I know where to go to get it. Or I know who to call to get help from.

The reasons for leaving are all about emotions. Emotions are stronger and usually can overcome rational thinking (in my case, it probably is very much true). I'm afraid that I'm not doing it for the right reasons and that even if I leave, I may not solve any of my issues anyway.

So while I have taken the step to find full time employment again, I am doubting whether it's the right tack to take. Friends say just get a job first and then decide later whether you want that or not. Fair enough. That still mandates a choice between singing and getting a job so that I can move. The ideal situation would be of course to have a (dossy) full time job here in Singapore that pays well, and leaves me time to sing about 3-4 nights a week on a regular basis.

Oh well, I have till January to look for something suitable.

Plan B

It's really Plan B, C & D!

In the past 2 weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I didn't want to be in Singapore anymore. I feel cooped up, sheltered and somewhat smothered. I'm confused about who I am, what I really want, where I'm going, and what I'm supposed to do in this lifetime. And I really feel the need to get away from everything, the family, the ex, the "I'm not sure where I'm headed in my life" feeling, and go and find myself. I know, it's a cliche, but I can't think of any other way to put it.

It's great to get paid to do what I like to do, but already within this first month of doing it full time, I've discovered that I don't really like singing to unappreciative audiences. Oh you do get a few who do, and that's always nice - I do try to sing to them. It could be just 'starting out' nerves, where I'm not sure that I'm doing okay. And again, I realise that I'd love to be singing in a bar, where people actually come to hear you sing. Maybe it's the need to be 'famous' or 'appreciated' but there you go.

With all that, I came up with Plan UK 2006 / Canada 2007

Canada 2007
We have to start with Canada 2007. Initially, this started because one of my dreams is to do a ski season, but I know I didn't want to just ski and do nothing, but to really get into the life of someone who works in the ski resorts. Tried looking into working holiday type programmes, but there were none for Singaporeans. Then my friend suggested that I look into applying for Permanent Residency. Looked it up and realised that I do qualify for it, I just lack 1) French certification and 2) Funds for moving (CAD 10,500 or so).

Naturally, one does not know how long I need to wait to get the PR status. It could be anthing from 3 months to 3 years (according to the Canada Immigration website). Hence...

UK 2006
In my desperation to get away, I discovered that the UK's working holiday visa has extended the age limit of holiday makers to 30. Which I will hit soon enough. This gives me a definite timeline to work towards. Therefore, in the interim, I can go live and work in London which was something that I did want to do as well. Not as much as my ski season but I have enough friends living in London that it's not a bad interim option.

Obviously after spending a year dithering around, I don't have much savings left (I'm amazed if the banks will even loan me any more money). After talking to my friends, the fastest way to get it is to go back to a full time job and save like crazy. SG15,000 or so isn't that difficult to save up. So now, I'm looking for a full time job in the one thing that I didn't want to continue doing - HR. Saying that, I'm sure I can find something within the 5-7k a month job. If that happens, I will be outta here in 8 months. I've already contacted several recruitment firms, and I have lined up an interview or two.

There you have it, Plan B. Will it work? Is it enough to get this lazy procrastinator off her arse? Find out more in the next installment...