I was driving to work at my usual autobahn speeds cos I was late. I'm driving down the exit ramp pretty fast when i heard a "pop" sound and the car suddenly skidded. I was good enough to pull out of it and luckily the cars around me were none too close. At that point, I had a pretty good idea that something had happened to my tires but I was too late for work and wasn't in a position to find out.
Drove all the way to work and chucked it to the valet. During my break, they came in to tell me that my rear tire was punctured. At my next break, I went to inspect it and lo and behold, the damned tire was as flat as a pancake. Fantastic.
Thank god for my AAS (Automobile Association) membership - I called the 24 hour roadside assistance service and the guy came at the end of my shift and spent 30 sweaty minutes changing the tires. I can't imagine me doing that in my work getup. Picture a girl in a cocktail dress, wrestling with the car jack and wrench... mind boggling eh? Anyway, I was expecting to have to pay through my nose for the service, but what do you know, it was free! Woo! I knew paying for membership would come in handy one day.
This little incident was amazingly draining even if I didn't do any physical labour. That I will have to go repair the tire and change it back tomorrow is too much to think about. But that's another day's adventure!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Timbre & Monty Python
Had a lovely day off on Monday. Didn't have the car so I took public transport to meet my friend in town for shopping and dinner. A (bitchy) observation that I made on the train and walking around on Orchard Road (main shopping stretch) - there was no eye candy at all; in fact they would not even come up to the average status. Maybe they were all home sleeping off their Christmas excesses...
In any case, met up with my best friend and we proceeded to window shop and look for post Christmas bargains. This is the perfect time to shop cos we will just be in time for Chinese New Year. :)
Eventually went over to Timbre for dinner and drinks, and to catch UBlues. They're a local band, but have kinda been disbanded, because one of the band members had to go back to Australia to retain his PR status. I do know them, so I thought I'd head down to say hi. And Singapore being the small place that it is, my brother actually knows one of the other band member.
It was great. P and I sat there, doing our usual "stoning" before the rest of the party came (Arlene, S, and Daniel). We were so bored, I ran over to Cheers to buy a pack of cards and we started playing Chor Dai Di. Switched to Gin Rummy and I got my ass kicked, cos I hadn't played in a while.
Anyway... the other local musicians started turning up and I reconnected with this guy who used to play at the bar and is currently living in Taiwan / Hong Kong doing music production. We went out for another drink after, and he invited me back to his to watch Monty Python. I'm thinking... woah. It's 2am, I don't think you're really inviting me back to watch DVDs. In any case, I said that we could watch it the next day (cos I am a Monty Python fan - blame it on my British education).
Next day looms, I go to work, nothing from this guy but at 11:30pm as I'm finishing my last set, he sends me an SMS to say he's been waiting for me... Because I'm such a sucker (and also cos I did say we would watch it the next day) I went over and caught 2 episodes. Made sure nothing happened, and drove home at 3am. *sigh* I gotta start exercising my NOs.
That's all that's exciting in my life at the moment. I'm waiting for my invite to the next party!!!
In any case, met up with my best friend and we proceeded to window shop and look for post Christmas bargains. This is the perfect time to shop cos we will just be in time for Chinese New Year. :)
Eventually went over to Timbre for dinner and drinks, and to catch UBlues. They're a local band, but have kinda been disbanded, because one of the band members had to go back to Australia to retain his PR status. I do know them, so I thought I'd head down to say hi. And Singapore being the small place that it is, my brother actually knows one of the other band member.
It was great. P and I sat there, doing our usual "stoning" before the rest of the party came (Arlene, S, and Daniel). We were so bored, I ran over to Cheers to buy a pack of cards and we started playing Chor Dai Di. Switched to Gin Rummy and I got my ass kicked, cos I hadn't played in a while.
Anyway... the other local musicians started turning up and I reconnected with this guy who used to play at the bar and is currently living in Taiwan / Hong Kong doing music production. We went out for another drink after, and he invited me back to his to watch Monty Python. I'm thinking... woah. It's 2am, I don't think you're really inviting me back to watch DVDs. In any case, I said that we could watch it the next day (cos I am a Monty Python fan - blame it on my British education).
Next day looms, I go to work, nothing from this guy but at 11:30pm as I'm finishing my last set, he sends me an SMS to say he's been waiting for me... Because I'm such a sucker (and also cos I did say we would watch it the next day) I went over and caught 2 episodes. Made sure nothing happened, and drove home at 3am. *sigh* I gotta start exercising my NOs.
That's all that's exciting in my life at the moment. I'm waiting for my invite to the next party!!!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Partying and Work Makes Me A Tired Girl!!!
Let's see... I've been out practically every night since Wednesday.
Wednesday 21 Dec: Mambo @ Zouk
Crazy ass crowd - I guess it's the pre-Christmas insanity. We could hardly move, it was so packed. Wasn't up to much, so we bailed early after drinking a few rounds.
Friday 23 Dec: Thumper
As we walked inside to get a drink - we saw two guys starting to push each other around, with their friends holding them back. 2 seconds later, we watched in shock as one of the guys broke free and threw a punch right in the other guy's face. It was so crowded, there could have been a stampede. We were trying to get out of the way, but what does the crowd do? Stand there and watch. Idiots. Anyway, we made it into the VIP room, and got our drinks there.
The Crazy Horse dancers arrived shortly after, and it was hilarious watching the guys trying to chat them up. They were dancing on the poles and boy, can they move. I wanna be able to pole dance like that! It was amazing.
We met a new girl, Arlene, who's a complete laugh. We chatted to her at first just to hear the lovely Scottish accent (which we've missed). Amazingly, for a model, she actually has two nickels to rub between her ears, and we got on so well, we exchanged numbers and promised to hang out soon!
The night goes on, and a group of really crass girls walked in and sat at our table. We politely told them off and they moved over. One of them was this crazy ass girl who insisted on stripping her shorts and exchanging it with one of our friends. Nasty!!! (We really didn't need to see what underwear he was wearing *hyuk hyuk*).
A tray of Sex On The Beach appeared which we then proceeded to down. Thankfully I didn't have the car and so could do the drinks without having to watch my intake. All in all, it was a great night out!
Saturday 24 Dec: Work and House Party
Sadly, I had to stay and do Christmas Eve at work, getting pple into the mood, singing Christmas carols, etc. Stupidest thing was they wanted us to do a countdown to Christmas. That's practically unheard of!!! Was pretty tired and was going to go home to sleep, cos I had to work the next day, but Arlene talked me into going to a house party off Holland Road.
The party was filled with models and the usual party people who want to get into the model's pants. The guys had really hot bods, but after a while, you kinda get inured to it. Aside from the fact that they're really really young (from 18 to 22 I guess). Wonder if they possess any brains between their ears. I shouldn't be so catty, but they're so immature!!!
Had a few slimy guys try to chat me up and get it on with me. One proclaimed that he had yellow fever, as if I would go for him immediately! Another one tried to claim a snog, saying it's Christmas and all. Yeech. He didn't even have any mistletoe as a prop. If he were cute, I might think about it. But nah. Slimy.
Sunday 25 Dec: Work work and work
Yes... I had to work in the afternoon, singing for Christmas brunch at the hotel (which of course, pple didn't bother listening to, they were busy stuffing their faces!). Then again at night at the usual time. I was so tired from the night before. Honestly, I'm never doing it again in the afternoon, not unless they pay me shiteloads. Got my 2nd tip from a guest - another Jap this time and he gave us $100. Woo. The only consolation to a hard 2 days work. Couldn't hack any more partying, I went home and finally got some rest.
Wednesday 21 Dec: Mambo @ Zouk
Crazy ass crowd - I guess it's the pre-Christmas insanity. We could hardly move, it was so packed. Wasn't up to much, so we bailed early after drinking a few rounds.
Friday 23 Dec: Thumper
As we walked inside to get a drink - we saw two guys starting to push each other around, with their friends holding them back. 2 seconds later, we watched in shock as one of the guys broke free and threw a punch right in the other guy's face. It was so crowded, there could have been a stampede. We were trying to get out of the way, but what does the crowd do? Stand there and watch. Idiots. Anyway, we made it into the VIP room, and got our drinks there.
The Crazy Horse dancers arrived shortly after, and it was hilarious watching the guys trying to chat them up. They were dancing on the poles and boy, can they move. I wanna be able to pole dance like that! It was amazing.
We met a new girl, Arlene, who's a complete laugh. We chatted to her at first just to hear the lovely Scottish accent (which we've missed). Amazingly, for a model, she actually has two nickels to rub between her ears, and we got on so well, we exchanged numbers and promised to hang out soon!
The night goes on, and a group of really crass girls walked in and sat at our table. We politely told them off and they moved over. One of them was this crazy ass girl who insisted on stripping her shorts and exchanging it with one of our friends. Nasty!!! (We really didn't need to see what underwear he was wearing *hyuk hyuk*).
A tray of Sex On The Beach appeared which we then proceeded to down. Thankfully I didn't have the car and so could do the drinks without having to watch my intake. All in all, it was a great night out!
Saturday 24 Dec: Work and House Party
Sadly, I had to stay and do Christmas Eve at work, getting pple into the mood, singing Christmas carols, etc. Stupidest thing was they wanted us to do a countdown to Christmas. That's practically unheard of!!! Was pretty tired and was going to go home to sleep, cos I had to work the next day, but Arlene talked me into going to a house party off Holland Road.
The party was filled with models and the usual party people who want to get into the model's pants. The guys had really hot bods, but after a while, you kinda get inured to it. Aside from the fact that they're really really young (from 18 to 22 I guess). Wonder if they possess any brains between their ears. I shouldn't be so catty, but they're so immature!!!
Had a few slimy guys try to chat me up and get it on with me. One proclaimed that he had yellow fever, as if I would go for him immediately! Another one tried to claim a snog, saying it's Christmas and all. Yeech. He didn't even have any mistletoe as a prop. If he were cute, I might think about it. But nah. Slimy.
Sunday 25 Dec: Work work and work
Yes... I had to work in the afternoon, singing for Christmas brunch at the hotel (which of course, pple didn't bother listening to, they were busy stuffing their faces!). Then again at night at the usual time. I was so tired from the night before. Honestly, I'm never doing it again in the afternoon, not unless they pay me shiteloads. Got my 2nd tip from a guest - another Jap this time and he gave us $100. Woo. The only consolation to a hard 2 days work. Couldn't hack any more partying, I went home and finally got some rest.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Marriage and morality are grey
I was just chatting to a friend from the US. He's been dating this girl for the past few months and recently found out that a good friend of his (who's married) had been sleeping with her, prior to her going out with my friend.
Chatting with him, I realised that these issues that used to be black and white are now slightly grey to me. My own code is that I won't sleep with or have an affair with a married man. But morality is not an absolute - it depends on the social mores of the era and the society in question. And who am I to judge other people when I don't know what their story is or if there are extenuating circumstances?
I see and hear about so many different marriages that are 'unconventional'. For example, both spouses have affairs and actually know the other parties, but stay together for the kids. There's even a family whose husband has fathered other kids outside the marriage and the wife is actually okay with it. I don't know if divorce would be better (would the kids be warped in such a household?) but if it works for them, that's great.
So then, what constitutes morality? Or I guess my question really is more, where does one draw the line? It's a slippery slope once you've crossed a boundary. Say previously you would not think of even going out with a guy who's with someone else. But then, you think about it and say, well, they're not married, and it's his choice, so why not? Then you end up sleeping with him. If it's okay to sleep with someone even though they have a girlfriend / boyfriend, then what's to stop you from sleeping with married people (oh, their marriage is not working anyway)?
With the erosion of one boundary, it's so easy to rationalise and erode another. It's like starting with stealing $10 from a friend, then you easily do it again, increase the amount, and eventually rob a bank. Where do you stop? And what constitutes extenuating circumstances? I stole the $10 because I needed it to feed my starving family is okay, but I stole $10 because it was fun, or because I needed a drug fix is not?
While we may have our own set of principles or morals, these morals can eventually be broken down, subverted and even perverted. There may be circumstances or other factors that need to be taken into account too. But I think the main point is that we have to be aware of this slippery slope and hold on to some principle or ethics or surely we will be lost, with no compass or baseline to assess ourselves.
Chatting with him, I realised that these issues that used to be black and white are now slightly grey to me. My own code is that I won't sleep with or have an affair with a married man. But morality is not an absolute - it depends on the social mores of the era and the society in question. And who am I to judge other people when I don't know what their story is or if there are extenuating circumstances?
I see and hear about so many different marriages that are 'unconventional'. For example, both spouses have affairs and actually know the other parties, but stay together for the kids. There's even a family whose husband has fathered other kids outside the marriage and the wife is actually okay with it. I don't know if divorce would be better (would the kids be warped in such a household?) but if it works for them, that's great.
So then, what constitutes morality? Or I guess my question really is more, where does one draw the line? It's a slippery slope once you've crossed a boundary. Say previously you would not think of even going out with a guy who's with someone else. But then, you think about it and say, well, they're not married, and it's his choice, so why not? Then you end up sleeping with him. If it's okay to sleep with someone even though they have a girlfriend / boyfriend, then what's to stop you from sleeping with married people (oh, their marriage is not working anyway)?
With the erosion of one boundary, it's so easy to rationalise and erode another. It's like starting with stealing $10 from a friend, then you easily do it again, increase the amount, and eventually rob a bank. Where do you stop? And what constitutes extenuating circumstances? I stole the $10 because I needed it to feed my starving family is okay, but I stole $10 because it was fun, or because I needed a drug fix is not?
While we may have our own set of principles or morals, these morals can eventually be broken down, subverted and even perverted. There may be circumstances or other factors that need to be taken into account too. But I think the main point is that we have to be aware of this slippery slope and hold on to some principle or ethics or surely we will be lost, with no compass or baseline to assess ourselves.
And The Oscar Goes To...
Me!!!
I'd like to thank my hairdresser, my make up artiste and of course, all my friends out there...
(If you're wondering if I've lost my marbles, read the post on All Men Are Bastards)
I'd prepped well for dinner - made an appointment for a haircut and got my LBD (little black dress) from the dry cleaners and put on my war paint.
I got there and they were sitting next to each other, though not touching or holding hands. I honestly couldn't tell if they're at the just dating phase or going out phase. In any case, I'm sure they didn't want an awkward situation so they probably avoided any show of affection.
I was my usual self - sunny, chirpy and without a care in the world. As if nothing had ever happened. I'd told myself that I would be civil and talk to them if the talked to me. And I did talk to her. He didn't say a word. In fact, he still couldn't look me in the eye. I wonder why. Hah.
The funny thing though, is that she is just like me, personality wise. (and not to sound bitchy, not as cute). Stating that we're very different people as a reason to break up is then extremely lame. I can't help but wonder if she's a replacement cos he can't have me, or if he's just attracted to our types of personalities. Saying that, I don't even know if they are going out or not, or just 'dating'. Somehow if it's the former, I find it a lot harder to swallow.
My therapy for this week is to look myself in the mirror and repeat 10 times "I'm better off without him cos I deserve better than that!" (or similar variation). If I tell myself that long enough, I will finally believe it!
I'd like to thank my hairdresser, my make up artiste and of course, all my friends out there...
(If you're wondering if I've lost my marbles, read the post on All Men Are Bastards)
I'd prepped well for dinner - made an appointment for a haircut and got my LBD (little black dress) from the dry cleaners and put on my war paint.
I got there and they were sitting next to each other, though not touching or holding hands. I honestly couldn't tell if they're at the just dating phase or going out phase. In any case, I'm sure they didn't want an awkward situation so they probably avoided any show of affection.
I was my usual self - sunny, chirpy and without a care in the world. As if nothing had ever happened. I'd told myself that I would be civil and talk to them if the talked to me. And I did talk to her. He didn't say a word. In fact, he still couldn't look me in the eye. I wonder why. Hah.
The funny thing though, is that she is just like me, personality wise. (and not to sound bitchy, not as cute). Stating that we're very different people as a reason to break up is then extremely lame. I can't help but wonder if she's a replacement cos he can't have me, or if he's just attracted to our types of personalities. Saying that, I don't even know if they are going out or not, or just 'dating'. Somehow if it's the former, I find it a lot harder to swallow.
My therapy for this week is to look myself in the mirror and repeat 10 times "I'm better off without him cos I deserve better than that!" (or similar variation). If I tell myself that long enough, I will finally believe it!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Rude Recruitment Agent
I got woken up this morning by Paul from Horizon Management Services (SG). I'd sent in my CV for a Comp & Ben Manager position and they were calling me up to chat. Here's the conversation; I'm amazed that this guy even *has* any clients!!!
Me : (sleepy) Hullo?
Paul : Hi, is this a convenient time to talk?
Me : (sleepy but making myself think) Sure
Paul : I see you're applying for the C&B job, can you tell me how many years of experience you've had in that field?
Me : As many years as I have been consulting
Paul : So that's 4 years
Me : Yes
Paul : So what's your last drawn salary?
Me : I'm sorry, I don't think that's relevant to our conversation right now
Paul : My client needs to know what your last drawn salary is
Me : Well, that's still not necessary right now. If your client wants, I'm sure he can find out
Paul : Obviously you're not giving me enough information, fine, thanks, bye. *he hangs up*
Honestly, I have never seen such rude or unprofessional behaviour for someone in the mid level recruitment industry!
1. My last drawn salary is MY own business. Salary is based on the job size, as well as prior qualifications. And should not be a percentage of your previous drawn salary.
2. Even if he didn't want to pursue this any further, he could have been more polite about it. Obviously he has no people skills whatsoever and I'll be amazed if he places anyone. Unless they're desperate.
One company blacklisted in my book.
Me : (sleepy) Hullo?
Paul : Hi, is this a convenient time to talk?
Me : (sleepy but making myself think) Sure
Paul : I see you're applying for the C&B job, can you tell me how many years of experience you've had in that field?
Me : As many years as I have been consulting
Paul : So that's 4 years
Me : Yes
Paul : So what's your last drawn salary?
Me : I'm sorry, I don't think that's relevant to our conversation right now
Paul : My client needs to know what your last drawn salary is
Me : Well, that's still not necessary right now. If your client wants, I'm sure he can find out
Paul : Obviously you're not giving me enough information, fine, thanks, bye. *he hangs up*
Honestly, I have never seen such rude or unprofessional behaviour for someone in the mid level recruitment industry!
1. My last drawn salary is MY own business. Salary is based on the job size, as well as prior qualifications. And should not be a percentage of your previous drawn salary.
2. Even if he didn't want to pursue this any further, he could have been more polite about it. Obviously he has no people skills whatsoever and I'll be amazed if he places anyone. Unless they're desperate.
One company blacklisted in my book.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Another Night Of Insomnia
I guess I should not have had the cup of teh tarik (tea) at midnight.
It was another night of tossing and turning in bed till sunlight poured in. I tried everything in my arsenal - erotic literature, Cocteau Twins lullaby CD (Milk & Kisses), reading dull history books, even running through my entire collection of Emily Dickinson poems. Sadly nothing worked. Instead, my mind started spouting these weird words that evolved itself into a poem / song of sorts. I guess it decided that it might as well be put to good use since it's functioning.
This is what I came up with at 5 this morning:
What is this malady
I cannot seem to shake
Searching for a remedy
But I still want the cake
What madness, what insanity
That drives me to these depths
My mind splits to infinity
And runs on different tracks
Time is shirking its duty
It just won't let me heal
Cos the wounds just keep reopening
Like scabs I have to peel
I hold on to Despair
As it were a life line
Giving Loneliness a friend
In this souless husk of mine
I revel in this lowness
My mind and body craven
Seeking crumbs of comfort
Reaching for any haven
Devoid of hope I trudge along
Not knowing what propels me on
Perhaps it's just blind faith
That takes me past another dawn
While I'm at it, I love these lines by Emily Dickinson:
Parting is all we know of heaven
And all we need of hell
It was another night of tossing and turning in bed till sunlight poured in. I tried everything in my arsenal - erotic literature, Cocteau Twins lullaby CD (Milk & Kisses), reading dull history books, even running through my entire collection of Emily Dickinson poems. Sadly nothing worked. Instead, my mind started spouting these weird words that evolved itself into a poem / song of sorts. I guess it decided that it might as well be put to good use since it's functioning.
This is what I came up with at 5 this morning:
What is this malady
I cannot seem to shake
Searching for a remedy
But I still want the cake
What madness, what insanity
That drives me to these depths
My mind splits to infinity
And runs on different tracks
Time is shirking its duty
It just won't let me heal
Cos the wounds just keep reopening
Like scabs I have to peel
I hold on to Despair
As it were a life line
Giving Loneliness a friend
In this souless husk of mine
I revel in this lowness
My mind and body craven
Seeking crumbs of comfort
Reaching for any haven
Devoid of hope I trudge along
Not knowing what propels me on
Perhaps it's just blind faith
That takes me past another dawn
While I'm at it, I love these lines by Emily Dickinson:
Parting is all we know of heaven
And all we need of hell
Friday, December 09, 2005
All Men Are Bastards
I know I know, it's a generalisation and sure there are nice ones out there, but for today (or rather last night), I'm of the opinion that men are bastards.
Bastard No 1: The Ex Boyfriend
I was supposed to go to a mutual friend's birthday do last Friday - and of course the ex was invited too. I was all prepared to go and suddenly, I got a call from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying I had a choice to not come as the Ex had apparently brought a date. And not only that, I knew this person. She had recently started working part time for the ex's company (as do I), and we had chatted about common interests and I had even opened up to her about the break up and all.
Now I know why she was acting so strangely the week before when we were doing an exhibition together. I also know why he was there, helping out more than usual at the exhibition. I feel like such a fool.
He's not allowed to start seeing someone before me! I know that sounds silly, but that's how I feel. Now I also have to wonder if he had broken up with me so that he could see this other person without any guilt. And if he had already been seeing her or was interested in her before we even broke up.
Whatever it is, he's still a bastard for making me doubt myself, the relationship, and most of all my judgement about people (not the best in most cases, I'm can be a little too trusting and naive at times).
I've tried to deal with it in the past week by calling friends, going out, even to the point of getting too drunk and getting naked with a friend (no, nothing happened, thank god!). The sad thing is that somewhere, somehow, I still love him. Despite all the logic, rationale and facts.
What can I do? What I have done I suppose. Present a cheerful face to the world, present a strong front, pretend I'm happier than ever.
We're supposed to have a company first year anniversary dinner for all the part timers next Thursday. I confided to my other friend who lives in Hong Kong and she says that I should go to the dinner, and act as if nothing had happened between me and him and to act like I'm really happy being single. Based on this advice, I had consented to going. If I have to sit through any displays of affection I will probably cry. I'm going to regret going, but what the hell. I have one week to prepare. I'll be a contender for next year's Oscars by the end of the night.
Bastard No 2: The Father
Yes. I'm bitching about my dad online because I have no where else to bitch. He's been a bastard to my mom, cheating on her for years and then finally deciding that he's met his soul mate and left us all for her.
That's all fine and good, if he's happy and all. But the fact is that he's making the rest of us very unhappy. To get my mom to agree to a separation, he promised a lot of things. Namely that he would whittle down the debt that he had incurred in the matrimonial account, and to rebuild the house (because we have many problems such as leaking roofs, termites, bad electrical wiring). It's been 2 years since the separation and none of that has happened. Worse, he's dipped further into the account.
I call him up as my mom's upset at him for not spending time on the house plans, and ask him to spend time with us and see it from her point of view. He then proceeds to yell at me, telling me his "Woe Is Me" story, about how hard he has to slog and how we are taking every penny from him.
I was this close to telling him to stick it.
I hung up on him cos I couldn't deal with it (I had to go to work). I'd heard the story a million times before and I didn't need a bloody repeat. Plus if I had said anything, it would have been pretty ugly. And whatever it is, I think one of us needs to be a 'good cop' in the routine. After all, he's my dad, and he needs to have some pride. But I've had it up to here with his nonsense. I've run out of sympathy for him and his so called plight.
Ultimately, it was his choice. He chose to cheat, he chose to incur debts to give gifts to his mistresses and girlfriends, while his wife tried to save and not spend so much. His choice to go off with someone else, to work for a different company, to try for different challenges. His choice to promise things so that he would get a separation. So why are we paying for his mistakes?
Of course, the situation could be worse. But when I look at my friend's parents and see some semblance of normality, and when I see how their fathers are still there for them, I wish it were the same with mine. Instead, it's more like my brother and I being the adults in this 4 person tragi-comedy and my parents the little kids tussling.
Bastard No 1: The Ex Boyfriend
I was supposed to go to a mutual friend's birthday do last Friday - and of course the ex was invited too. I was all prepared to go and suddenly, I got a call from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying I had a choice to not come as the Ex had apparently brought a date. And not only that, I knew this person. She had recently started working part time for the ex's company (as do I), and we had chatted about common interests and I had even opened up to her about the break up and all.
Now I know why she was acting so strangely the week before when we were doing an exhibition together. I also know why he was there, helping out more than usual at the exhibition. I feel like such a fool.
He's not allowed to start seeing someone before me! I know that sounds silly, but that's how I feel. Now I also have to wonder if he had broken up with me so that he could see this other person without any guilt. And if he had already been seeing her or was interested in her before we even broke up.
Whatever it is, he's still a bastard for making me doubt myself, the relationship, and most of all my judgement about people (not the best in most cases, I'm can be a little too trusting and naive at times).
I've tried to deal with it in the past week by calling friends, going out, even to the point of getting too drunk and getting naked with a friend (no, nothing happened, thank god!). The sad thing is that somewhere, somehow, I still love him. Despite all the logic, rationale and facts.
What can I do? What I have done I suppose. Present a cheerful face to the world, present a strong front, pretend I'm happier than ever.
We're supposed to have a company first year anniversary dinner for all the part timers next Thursday. I confided to my other friend who lives in Hong Kong and she says that I should go to the dinner, and act as if nothing had happened between me and him and to act like I'm really happy being single. Based on this advice, I had consented to going. If I have to sit through any displays of affection I will probably cry. I'm going to regret going, but what the hell. I have one week to prepare. I'll be a contender for next year's Oscars by the end of the night.
Bastard No 2: The Father
Yes. I'm bitching about my dad online because I have no where else to bitch. He's been a bastard to my mom, cheating on her for years and then finally deciding that he's met his soul mate and left us all for her.
That's all fine and good, if he's happy and all. But the fact is that he's making the rest of us very unhappy. To get my mom to agree to a separation, he promised a lot of things. Namely that he would whittle down the debt that he had incurred in the matrimonial account, and to rebuild the house (because we have many problems such as leaking roofs, termites, bad electrical wiring). It's been 2 years since the separation and none of that has happened. Worse, he's dipped further into the account.
I call him up as my mom's upset at him for not spending time on the house plans, and ask him to spend time with us and see it from her point of view. He then proceeds to yell at me, telling me his "Woe Is Me" story, about how hard he has to slog and how we are taking every penny from him.
I was this close to telling him to stick it.
I hung up on him cos I couldn't deal with it (I had to go to work). I'd heard the story a million times before and I didn't need a bloody repeat. Plus if I had said anything, it would have been pretty ugly. And whatever it is, I think one of us needs to be a 'good cop' in the routine. After all, he's my dad, and he needs to have some pride. But I've had it up to here with his nonsense. I've run out of sympathy for him and his so called plight.
Ultimately, it was his choice. He chose to cheat, he chose to incur debts to give gifts to his mistresses and girlfriends, while his wife tried to save and not spend so much. His choice to go off with someone else, to work for a different company, to try for different challenges. His choice to promise things so that he would get a separation. So why are we paying for his mistakes?
Of course, the situation could be worse. But when I look at my friend's parents and see some semblance of normality, and when I see how their fathers are still there for them, I wish it were the same with mine. Instead, it's more like my brother and I being the adults in this 4 person tragi-comedy and my parents the little kids tussling.
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