We had a pretty exciting start to our weekend up in KL. I went with Pastry, and 2 other girl friends. Unfortunately, getting Pastry out of his place was an adventure in itself. His phone was turned off and security was tight. After pleading with the higher powers (aka the cleaners), I managed to get into his place and rouse him out of bed. Obviously he had a good night in!!!
In any case, we started the drive up to KL at about 8am. A third into the journey, I got stopped for speeding by the Malaysian police. They wanted 'kopi money' (aka bribes) and my friend tried to bargain it down, but he was pretty insistent. RM50 was the 'going rate' for Singaporean cars after all. When I handed him the money, he took it furtively. Bloody hypocrite - as if the other officers didn't know and weren't doing the same!!!
After paying the 'fine', I decided that I had a good right to speed - I'd paid for it after all!!! To make up time, I didn't make a pit stop and drove straight on. First time I'd ever done that. Made it to KL in 3.5 hours (about 140-150km/h)!
Most of the weekend was spent eating! We ate from one meal to the next. Nothing was spared. Bak Kut Teh (Pork Rib Soup), Cinnabuns (I used to walk all the way from my office on 31st & 9th to the 42nd Street bus station in NYC to get my Cinnabuns), Assam laksa, penang fried kway teow, and so on. It was fun introducing Pastry to all these dishes. Watching his reaction to Durian ice cream was simply too hilarious.
Of course I taught them how to play 'Chor Dai Di' or 'Big Two' after dinner. It was Pastry's introduction to this old card game and one of the girls had not played it before. For beginners, they seemed to know how to play pretty well. I think I got hustled.
Anyway - left the girls who claimed they were tired, and Pastry and I went out bar hopping. Started at Zouk, moved to Poppy's walked to 12SI and then back to Rum Jungle. Music wasn't bad but the strobe lights were terrible. Also, I guess it would have been better with more of us partying. In any case we stayed out late dancing and didn't get to sleep till 4am. And yes, that's all we did, though not for lack of trying. If I had a colour that weekend, it would be purple.
The next day, the girls let us sleep in and we decided to do a spot of shopping and then drive down to Melaka for tea before driving back to SG. Thought we'd give Pastry a little more to look at than shopping centres. The drive was another adventure. We'd missed the turning to Melaka, but made the next exit. At the toll booths, they told us we could drive to Melaka without turning back onto the highway and we thought - Okay, let's just take the 'small roads'. Unfortunately, they were not well sign-posted. What should have been a quick 20 minute drive turned out to be a 1.5 hour drive to get into Melaka. By this time, yours truly was pretty frustrated and well annoyed. I hate being lost and not knowing where to go especially when there was a 'plan' to follow. We had to stop and ask for directions 3 times and finally a kindly motorcyclist told us to follow him into the Pusat Bandaraya (City Centre).
By the time we got into Melaka, it was time for dinner. I introduced everyone to Ah Lau's, a famous Teochew restaurant and we had a really good dinner there (suckling pig, yam paste, steamed fish, oyster noodles). Unfortunately it was also expensive and being the end of the trip, we had run out of money. Another adventure to go grab some cash (the ATMs nearby didn't accept our cards!!!) but it all turned out okay in the end. Visited a couple more places and then it was time to head back to Singapore.
Driving back was slightly more stressful as it was dark, raining and there were idiots driving on the roads. But I managed to make it back within 2 hours and not get caught for speeding. Hah. That's cos I know where the speed traps were on the way back. They always set up in the same places, to 'get' the Singaporean drivers before they get home.
Reached home at midnight and was too tired to do anything but to flop on my bed and say goodbye to my last free weekend for the next 3 months.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Soulmate Theory
In my search for "The One", I've had quite a few discussions and friendly debates with friends. To date, here are the main theories or hypotheses that we've gathered so far:
I've reproduced a couple of the theories here for those who are too lazy to click on the links:
Our amalgated wisdom of #1, 5 and 6 would fall under this theory. #2 and 3 would fall under the Work-It-Out Theory and #4 is just a statistical statement but may also fall under Work-It-Out.
I guess I subscribe to most of the Soulmate Theory - I'm the eternal optimist eh? Except the point where finding the right person is the most important factor. I'd recognise that effort plays a part as well. But that depends on the last point on whether people can and are willing to 'change' or compromise a little.
There's an almost blind faith that there's someone out there for me and I just have to find the person. Of course there are days when doubts seep in and I wonder - is there really such a thing as a 'soulmate' or 'The One'? What if it's just an ideal that's not real or feasible? Are we asking for too much? Did I read too many romances and subscribe to the 'Hollywood' version of love?
Should we 'settle'? Statistics show that many people marry or settle down with the person they are when they are ready to settle down, not because of any great love story. I know well enough not to look for the idealised / perfect person but is it too much asking for 95% or damn well close enough for me?
A good guy friend pointed this out:
People who believe in soulmates are setting themselves up for disappointment / failure.
When a person's attitude towards love and personal happiness is dependent on finding 'the one', and if it doesn't happen, they are crushed and affects the rest of their self-esteem, etc. He thinks that the concept of 'The One' also precludes them from enjoying the moment and appreciating what they have at the moment.
It's an interesting point of view and I can see where he's coming from but I guess for me, hope springs eternal.
- You have 6 soulmates out there in the world. You just need to find them.
- There are people who are right for you at your current state in life (e.g. someone you might go out with at college may be very different from someone you might fancy while working or when you're 40).
- There are no such thing as a soulmate. You find someone compatible and you work at it.
- Finding someone is a numbers game.
- Finding your soulmate is up to destiny / fate / the higher powers.
- You find love when you least expect it. (high incidences of this happening among my circle of friends)
I've reproduced a couple of the theories here for those who are too lazy to click on the links:
| Soulmate Theory | Work-It-Out Theory |
| There is one (or very few) right person(s) for me. | There are many people with whom I can be happy with. |
| Love is discovered. | Love is built over time. |
| The right person is ideal or close to perfect for me. | Person is not expected to be a perfect fit. |
| Finding the right person is the most important factor in a successful relationship. | Effort is the most important factor. |
| Passion is of great importance. | Passion is relatively unimportant. |
| People are hard to change. | People can change. |
Our amalgated wisdom of #1, 5 and 6 would fall under this theory. #2 and 3 would fall under the Work-It-Out Theory and #4 is just a statistical statement but may also fall under Work-It-Out.
I guess I subscribe to most of the Soulmate Theory - I'm the eternal optimist eh? Except the point where finding the right person is the most important factor. I'd recognise that effort plays a part as well. But that depends on the last point on whether people can and are willing to 'change' or compromise a little.
There's an almost blind faith that there's someone out there for me and I just have to find the person. Of course there are days when doubts seep in and I wonder - is there really such a thing as a 'soulmate' or 'The One'? What if it's just an ideal that's not real or feasible? Are we asking for too much? Did I read too many romances and subscribe to the 'Hollywood' version of love?
Should we 'settle'? Statistics show that many people marry or settle down with the person they are when they are ready to settle down, not because of any great love story. I know well enough not to look for the idealised / perfect person but is it too much asking for 95% or damn well close enough for me?
A good guy friend pointed this out:
People who believe in soulmates are setting themselves up for disappointment / failure.
When a person's attitude towards love and personal happiness is dependent on finding 'the one', and if it doesn't happen, they are crushed and affects the rest of their self-esteem, etc. He thinks that the concept of 'The One' also precludes them from enjoying the moment and appreciating what they have at the moment.
It's an interesting point of view and I can see where he's coming from but I guess for me, hope springs eternal.
New Job & Weekend Trip
Yes! I finally got a 3 month contract, at a good hotel where I will perform 6 nights a week, except for Monday night off. I can't wait - at least it's stable money, which I do need.
It's great news, but that means that all my weekends are gone. Kaput. Thankfully, I don't start till next week, so I have one last weekend before I have to kiss my social life goodbye. So I've planned a weekend trip up to KL with a few friends and Pastry.
Ooh yeah. I get to open up my car, put the metal to the pedal and give the car a good run. I adore driving, and I get to shop, party and spend a weekend with my friends and a gorgeous guy. Definitely looking forward to it!
(It does make up for having to deal with the ex, no?)
It's great news, but that means that all my weekends are gone. Kaput. Thankfully, I don't start till next week, so I have one last weekend before I have to kiss my social life goodbye. So I've planned a weekend trip up to KL with a few friends and Pastry.
Ooh yeah. I get to open up my car, put the metal to the pedal and give the car a good run. I adore driving, and I get to shop, party and spend a weekend with my friends and a gorgeous guy. Definitely looking forward to it!
(It does make up for having to deal with the ex, no?)
Computer Woes - A Bridge Towards Friendship
My laptop went whoosh on me. Yup, it died - or rather, the hard drive crashed or failed to boot up. (I know it sounds geeky, sorry - I probably am, just a tad). I knew it was the hard drive cos it makes this "whirry" sound when it starts up and I didn't hear squat. Panic time. I had not backed up my files recently and my whole life was practically on that damn laptop.
Now if you didn't already know, the ex is a computer whiz. Naturally he was the first one I thought of to go to for help. But me being "Not Ready" to talk to him yet, tried to get around this by calling other people for help. The service centre wanted to charge me $100 just to diagnose the problem. The data recovery centre wanted a minimum of $400 (it could go up to $3,000 they said) to get back my data from the wonky hard disk. No way was I going to pay that without seeing if I could get it done for next to nothing.
At least, nothing except pride and any other feelings that have not yet surfaced.
I thought long and hard about it. I did want to get back in touch and remain friends but our last meeting was pretty awkward. I miss him as a friend, someone to ask advice of, but I didn't want him to get any wrong ideas either. I also didn't know how to react around him. How do you behave around someone who was your lover and closest friend to someone who's not quite that anymore? I roughly knew what I wanted from him as a friend but I didn't know if that was possible or if that was what he wanted as well. To sum it up, I was pretty much clueless.
But I rationalised that this would be a pretty good bridge to make our way back to being friends, which I do want. If it went well, then we would have made our first step in reconnecting. We'd have to learn to connect in a different way, without the emotional / relationship issues coming back in. If it didn't turn out well, then I know that we would never be friends, not the way I'd like to.
After all that rationalisation (and a few chats with friends), I said what the hell, SMSed him and asked for help. I left it open ended so that it didn't sound as if he had to help me. In any case, he came through. My faith in him as a computer whiz was justified. He managed to recover my data for which I am very very grateful.
It was slightly awkward but I think we both unconsciously chose to pretend as if we were good friends and didn't have a past relationship between us. It was pretty much what we used to do, except without the endearments and the emotional stuff that comes with a relationship. It was hard for me, seeing him at his place and it hit me that I can't quite do some things that I used to do (like lie on the bed, sit close to him). At some points when I was reminded of what we had and what I loved about him, I had to bite my lips real hard to keep from crying. But I managed it, and I did it without betraying (I hope) that some part of me inside still hurts. I broke down in the car, but there no one sees it.
In any case, I'm proud of myself. For me, it took a lot of courage to make the first move, ask him for help and more, to meet him at his place. It was about putting my feelings aside. Recognising them, understanding them, but being able to put them aside for that period where I had to deal with the situation at hand. I'm proud of the fact that I used the opportunity, instead of letting it slide. Heaven knows when I would be 'ready' (knowing my procrastinating self). And maybe my courage might have failed me later in the day, or it might be a case of - well, it's been so long, there's no point really. And that would really be a loss, to both of us. We still have lots to give as friends and I don't doubt that the road back to friendship would be awkward and rocky. But we're on the way. And I took that first step.
Okay, now I need a drink.
Now if you didn't already know, the ex is a computer whiz. Naturally he was the first one I thought of to go to for help. But me being "Not Ready" to talk to him yet, tried to get around this by calling other people for help. The service centre wanted to charge me $100 just to diagnose the problem. The data recovery centre wanted a minimum of $400 (it could go up to $3,000 they said) to get back my data from the wonky hard disk. No way was I going to pay that without seeing if I could get it done for next to nothing.
At least, nothing except pride and any other feelings that have not yet surfaced.
I thought long and hard about it. I did want to get back in touch and remain friends but our last meeting was pretty awkward. I miss him as a friend, someone to ask advice of, but I didn't want him to get any wrong ideas either. I also didn't know how to react around him. How do you behave around someone who was your lover and closest friend to someone who's not quite that anymore? I roughly knew what I wanted from him as a friend but I didn't know if that was possible or if that was what he wanted as well. To sum it up, I was pretty much clueless.
But I rationalised that this would be a pretty good bridge to make our way back to being friends, which I do want. If it went well, then we would have made our first step in reconnecting. We'd have to learn to connect in a different way, without the emotional / relationship issues coming back in. If it didn't turn out well, then I know that we would never be friends, not the way I'd like to.
After all that rationalisation (and a few chats with friends), I said what the hell, SMSed him and asked for help. I left it open ended so that it didn't sound as if he had to help me. In any case, he came through. My faith in him as a computer whiz was justified. He managed to recover my data for which I am very very grateful.
It was slightly awkward but I think we both unconsciously chose to pretend as if we were good friends and didn't have a past relationship between us. It was pretty much what we used to do, except without the endearments and the emotional stuff that comes with a relationship. It was hard for me, seeing him at his place and it hit me that I can't quite do some things that I used to do (like lie on the bed, sit close to him). At some points when I was reminded of what we had and what I loved about him, I had to bite my lips real hard to keep from crying. But I managed it, and I did it without betraying (I hope) that some part of me inside still hurts. I broke down in the car, but there no one sees it.
In any case, I'm proud of myself. For me, it took a lot of courage to make the first move, ask him for help and more, to meet him at his place. It was about putting my feelings aside. Recognising them, understanding them, but being able to put them aside for that period where I had to deal with the situation at hand. I'm proud of the fact that I used the opportunity, instead of letting it slide. Heaven knows when I would be 'ready' (knowing my procrastinating self). And maybe my courage might have failed me later in the day, or it might be a case of - well, it's been so long, there's no point really. And that would really be a loss, to both of us. We still have lots to give as friends and I don't doubt that the road back to friendship would be awkward and rocky. But we're on the way. And I took that first step.
Okay, now I need a drink.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Quick thoughts
All of a sudden, I'm thinking about the ex again. Not obsessing over the meeting, but rather thinking of being friends and how I feel as if I've lost a really good friend. I still miss the things we do together and sometimes I think he's still one of the best people to get advice from (when he's with us on earth and listening).
I don't know if I'm ready or not to deal with him as a friend, because comparisons will invariably be made. I don't know how to deal with things like touching and hugging him. What if we get weak? What if either of us misconstrues the other? What if I'm still emotionally attached? If I'm asking this question and having doubts, I probably still am.
Sometimes I think it's silly that these small things are so big. When you look back upon it in a few years time, or if you look upon it from the larger scheme of things, it's not really all that significant at all. I will not let this get me down again. I've spent too much time there, and I know I'm a much better person than this.
Life goes on but I really could use a good friend like him back in my life.
I don't know if I'm ready or not to deal with him as a friend, because comparisons will invariably be made. I don't know how to deal with things like touching and hugging him. What if we get weak? What if either of us misconstrues the other? What if I'm still emotionally attached? If I'm asking this question and having doubts, I probably still am.
Sometimes I think it's silly that these small things are so big. When you look back upon it in a few years time, or if you look upon it from the larger scheme of things, it's not really all that significant at all. I will not let this get me down again. I've spent too much time there, and I know I'm a much better person than this.
Life goes on but I really could use a good friend like him back in my life.
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