Soulmate Theory

In my search for "The One", I've had quite a few discussions and friendly debates with friends. To date, here are the main theories or hypotheses that we've gathered so far:

1. You have 6 soulmates out there in the world. You just need to find them.
   
2. There are people who are right for you at your current state in life (e.g. someone you might go out with at college may be very different from someone you might fancy while working or when you're 40).
   
3. There are no such thing as a soulmate. You find someone compatible and you work at it.
   
4. Finding someone is a numbers game.
   
5. Finding your soulmate is up to destiny / fate / the higher powers.
   
6. You find love when you least expect it. (high incidences of this happening among my circle of friends)

Now, I was naturally curious to see what the internet had to offer, so I googled a search for soulmates and came up with this really interesting site. Check out the manifesto this nutter wrote about dating and soul mates. If anything, it should give you a few chuckles.

I've reproduced a couple of the theories here for those who are too lazy to click on the links:

Soulmate Theory	Work-It-Out Theory
There is one (or very few) right person(s) for me.	There are many people with whom I can be happy with.
Love is discovered.	Love is built over time.
The right person is ideal or close to perfect for me.	Person is not expected to be a perfect fit.
Finding the right person is the most important factor in a successful relationship.	Effort is the most important factor.
Passion is of great importance.	Passion is relatively unimportant.
People are hard to change.	People can change.

Our amalgated wisdom of #1, 5 and 6 would fall under this theory. #2 and 3 would fall under the Work-It-Out Theory and #4 is just a statistical statement but may also fall under Work-It-Out.

I guess I subscribe to most of the Soulmate Theory - I'm the eternal optimist eh? Except the point where finding the right person is the most important factor. I'd recognise that effort plays a part as well. But that depends on the last point on whether people can and are willing to 'change' or compromise a little.

There's an almost blind faith that there's someone out there for me and I just have to find the person. Of course there are days when doubts seep in and I wonder - is there really such a thing as a 'soulmate' or 'The One'? What if it's just an ideal that's not real or feasible? Are we asking for too much? Did I read too many romances and subscribe to the 'Hollywood' version of love?

Should we 'settle'? Statistics show that many people marry or settle down with the person they are when they are ready to settle down, not because of any great love story. I know well enough not to look for the idealised / perfect person but is it too much asking for 95% or damn well close enough for me?

A good guy friend pointed this out:
People who believe in soulmates are setting themselves up for disappointment / failure.
When a person's attitude towards love and personal happiness is dependent on finding 'the one', and if it doesn't happen, they are crushed and affects the rest of their self-esteem, etc. He thinks that the concept of 'The One' also precludes them from enjoying the moment and appreciating what they have at the moment.

It's an interesting point of view and I can see where he's coming from but I guess for me, hope springs eternal.