Marginal Benefits of Settling

Quick aside: I've written this post on my PDA - had the thoughts flowing through my head and although I couldn't get me to a computer to blog, I had the next best thing! Ooh, I can see I'm going to be carrying my portable keyboard for more blogging!

Now as I'm working and I see another wedding in progress, I can't help but wonder how they got together and why they got married (or in other words, whether they married for the right reasons.) One can't help but wonder really, if and/or when it will end in divorce. Cynical and jaded, but I'm feeling the weight of all my 29 years.

I was having a bitch session with my best friend earlier today, and we were chatting about her relationship with her boyfriend, amongst other things.

They've been going out for a year and a half but they haven't discussed their relationship much, and nothing's been said about their future. She wants to know, and rightly so in my opinion, where they are heading, whether it's long term or not. I know it's a generalisation but why don't men ever want to talk about these things? They either avoid the question or are completely blur about it. Worse, it seems most of them are commitment phobic.

One thing from our conversation struck me. Aside from the question of having a future together, I - as best friend and devil's advocate, raised the fundamental question of whether this guy is right for her. She didn't say no, but she didn't say yes too. I think I was disturbed by her response that it was time to settle down (or just settle?) and that he was a stable guy and has his good points.

Is this what it all boils down to in the end? Mostly the fact that he's a good guy and that he can provide, and that you can overlook the flaws? I know no one's perfect but surely you'll know if you want to spend the rest of your life with the other person! Isn't anyone at least 100% sure anymore? Not even 95% sure?

I guess I'm scared of a couple of things. One is not ever finding the right someone to spend my life with. Second, that this fear will lead me to settle. If you look at it in terms of weighing the pros and cons, or even in terms of microeconomics, it's whether the marginal benefit of settling down with someone is greater than the marginal benefit of finding the right person and the opportunity cost involved. Age is a factor of opportunity cost, which is why as you get older, this opportunity cost is higher and there is greater perceived benefit in settling down.

Mathematically, most people are represented by

Marginal Benefit (Settling down) > Marginal Benefit (Finding Right Person) + Opportunity Cost in Waiting for the Right Person

I know I've blogged on this before but somehow the whole question still bothers me. I used to be so sure that I'd know, once I've found my soul mate. Now, I have my doubts.

Also, I have not been on a single date since the last disastrous one with The Bore. Everyone I meet either ends up as a friend or just doesn't cut it. Maybe I'm "old fashioned", but I honestly think that men need to do the chasing, so as to make 'em cherish and value what they work for. I wouldn't even consider going out with someone who doesn't want to ask me out (or ask for my number). Do you think that's too much to ask for?